


I've Got A Theory

by RJLupin



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Book Spoilers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer References, Comedy, Filk, Gen, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Identity Reveal, Midnight Book Releases, Post - Order of the Phoenix, Pre-Half-Blood Prince, Questioning, Reading, Singing, Song Lyrics, Song Parody, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-20 16:39:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2435642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJLupin/pseuds/RJLupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A filk from the vaults about the good old days when everyone was trying to figure out who the Half-Blood Prince was. Speculation was rampant! A collection of fandom views, from the people who wanted the Half-Blood Prince to be their favorite character, the people who had bizarre theories, and the people who only saw the movies but were so certain they knew exactly who the Half-Blood Prince was. You know, those fans. We were all them. Filked to "I've Got a Theory" from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical Once More With Feeling.</p><p>I've got a theory<br/>That it's Argus Filch</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Got A Theory

**Author's Note:**

> "I've Got a Theory" filked to the tune of "I've Got a Theory/Bunnies/If We're Together" from Buffy the Vampire Slayer Once More With Feeling. Originally filked February 2005.
> 
> A thank you to the book "The Plot Thickens" which I read over and over during this time, and drew some inspiration for this filk from.

_SCENE: Somewhere, a bunch of Harry Potter fans gather together, discussing and debating just who exactly the HBP is. They break into song as they discuss their theories._  
  
 **FAN #1:**  
I've got a theory  
It must be Hagrid  
'Cause he's a halfblood  
And he must contribute big  
  
 **FAN #2:**  
I've got a theory  
It's Remus Lupin  
'Cause I love him so and he needs something nice, you know?  
  
 **FAN #3:**  
I've got a theory it's Dobby the elf  
'Cause he's in Book Two and he is a leader all himself  
  
 _(Enthusiastically, a person who hasn't read the books voices their opinion with confidence)_  
  
 **PERSON WHO SAW THE MOVIES, BUT HASN'T READ THE BOOKS:**  
I think it's Harry!  
It's Harry Potter!  
  
 _(All HP fans immediately roll their eyes and go yell at the person who hasn't read the books)_  
  
 **ALL HP FANS:**  
You dimwit, that can't be  
Didn't you see that  
JKR said it's not him  
So take a look  
And read the book and-  
 **PERSON WHO SAW THE MOVIES, BUT HASN'T READ THE BOOKS**  
Okay, just don't smite me!  
  
 **FAN #4:**  
I've got a theory  
That it's Argus Filch!  
  
 _(All fans turn and stare at Fan #4 like they're crazy)_  
  
 **FAN #5:**  
I think it's-  
  
 _(Fan #4 wildly interrupts Fan #5 to force everyone to believe the HBP is Filch)_  
  
 **FAN #4:**  
Filch isn't just there like everybody's been thinking!  
To some royal blood he does clearly have some linking!  
Plus the very first attack  
By the Basilisk was made on his precious cat!  
Argus!  
Argus!  
It's Argus Fillllllccccccchhhhhh!!!  
  
 _(Fan#5 looks angrily at Fan#4 for interrupting them, and goes on to say their own theory)_  
  
 **FAN#5:**  
Unless it's Neville!  
  
 **FAN #6:**  
Don't you know really  
It's Colin Creevey?  
 **FAN #7:**  
No, 'cause it's Snape!-  
 **FAN#8:**  
-I think we're getting a little snarky...  
  
 **FAN #9:**  
I've got a theory  
That we should just wait  
'Cause we will know once it is July  
We just will have to wait for that date  
Yes, for Book Five  
It took real long  
But we made it  
So just wait on!  
  
 **ALL HP FANS:**  
We will find out once we are reading!  
Do nothing else except for breathing!  
And is the Prince  
A new person  
Who fin'lly comes?  
 **FAN #10:**  
Still, I vote Krum!  
  
 **ALL HP FANS:**  
We'll have an answer when the book's out!  
There will be so much we'll know about!  
Hold on for Harry's sake...  
  
...but we can't make it!  
  
 _(All fans faint as they suffer from 'ImpatientlywaitingforHBPititis)_


End file.
